Discovering strength in loneliness

By Adunke Olatunji

Loneliness means state of solitude that could be for sober reflection. Drawing strength from this period of sober reflection will make one come out stronger and more powerful to actualize dreams after the period.

Focus remains the best tool to apply while putting the issue behind and forging ahead.

While there is life, there is hope so says the clause. Life has no duplicate so it can only be lived once. Certain things happen that almost imprisons our lives and could determine the direction we go.

In the instance when the head of a family who doubles as the chief financial source passes on. The inability of the loved ones he left behind to catch up with the enormous (capability) responsibility of economic challenges poses a great deal of treat. When the financial freedom of a family is threatened simply because of the gap created by the deceased, a lot has to be done to fill it.

Finance is very key in every aspect of life. The budgetary allocations of the family is essential. A great financial strength is required to place the family on the right path. The state of solitude could be explored maximally to develop a good idea that will facilitate great business ventures.

Loneliness will birth the strength of compassion in you. Loneliness strengthens your relationship with yourself. There is a deep loneliness that stems from losing your loved one but you can find strength. When you are married to your biggest cheerleader, losing him/her might be overwhelming but sure all hope is not lost.

We grieve differently. No one can comfort you like you. Solitude improves psychological well-being.
But solitary skills could help you become mentally stronger. Studies have found that people who set aside time to be alone tend to be happier. They report better life satisfaction and lower levels of stress. They’re also less likely to have depression. Loneliness can also be attributed to internal factors such as low self-esteem. People who lack confidence in themselves often believe that they are unworthy of the attention or regard of other people.

Firstly, you need to diagnose the cause of your loneliness. Why are you lonely, is itself imposed due to your shyness, lack of confidence, self-belief, and self-trust, death of a loved one, sadness or introversion and many more. You must know the why, of your preference to be lonely. Being alone is not loneliness. You can be among people and yet be lonely. You must revisit your childhood experience and see if there are any baggage you are still backpacking, instead of dumping them.

Again, when alone by yourself, never let your self-depreciating and depressing thoughts take charge of you, these are your biggest enemies. However when alone, identify and focus on your known positives, and some you never knew you had. Do a self-evaluation of your potentials, talents, passions, capabilities, what you love to do, can do, and so on. This will make you feel motivated and inspired by yourself.

Indulge in positive self-talk, conduct a debate with yourself, and ask yourself what is the essence of having all but unable to use them.

Why the hell should I worry about what others think and feel about me, I don’t need the endorsement and approval of others, I am what I am, life is to be lived with people and among people. I may prefer to be alone, but not lonely confined in a prison within myself. I must break these shackles which I have put on myself, I must have good sense of humour and assertiveness, what’s the good of this except my own ruin. Do some self-talk on these lines, build up the confidence and mood for a breakthrough.

Visualize using your imagination scenarios and image of yourself socializing, talking to people confidently, having fun, and so on, and feel that in you and believe it. If you can think something you may as well make it happen the way you think, what’s the big deal! You are what you think, believe, and feel you are. Change your self-directed views, attitudes, beliefs, thoughts, and set an intention to come out of the cocoon. See the world as so vast and wide full of opportunities, possibilities and beauty, which you have been missing, due to the self-imposed punishment of life sentence of loneliness and self-imprisonment.

Challenge and question your negative thoughts, don’t believe them. They are not true, they will overwhelm you more if you give them importance and attention. Replace them with positive and strong thoughts.

Do what you love to do, think of what you are capable of doing, and let go of what you cannot do, change or control. Be what you like to be, you are the CEO of your life.

The world is full of opportunities commensurate with your capability, you will stagnate and rot, if you don’t break out of the shell and start wriggling around.

Olatunji is President, Tabitha New Life Foundation (07081657473, 07034543336, 08028167766)